The Word is Reluctant

He said to him, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. Matthew 22:37

Happy New Year! I have my word of the year…have you prayed about yours?  Mine is a strange one; and as usual I tried to talk him out of it!  I think he might have known I would drag my feet on this one so he sent it in early December while I was sitting quietly looking at 300 plus students praying at Friday Mass.

I don’t think it’s as much about the actual word, rather I think it’s about what I do with it!  My word this year is RELUCTANT.  Literally my first thought was, “No I’m not!” I try to be an “all in” kind of girl so I was a little miffed, but, as usual, I gave it some thought and prayer and realized several places where the word was inviting me to draw closer to him and make some changes.  As I sit and pray with this new word here are a few seeds he’s planted.

*I am reluctant to give him 100% of my heart.  There are things I keep tucked there because I think I need to be responsible for them.  My children, my grandson and my students specifically.  I forget he loves them more than me.  I forget that even if things are tricky in their life he is bigger than the struggle and he’s working in their life.  I am not their only “keeper” and I don’t always know best.  I need to invite him into my concerns and my fears, not harbor those feelings  and let them run laps in my mind.

*I am reluctant to serve him at all costs.  What if someone thinks I’m weird?  What if someone doesn’t invite me to their BBQ because I might talk about Jesus and make some people uncomfortable? What if I reach out to someone who is hurting, will I be responsible for everything from their Baptism to their Canonization?  What about that person who desperately needs to know of his love and mercy, am I brave enough to be a great disciple and share it?

*I am reluctant to give him total control.  It dawned on me in morning prayer that I sometimes picture trudging through life like a machete wielding warrior hacking my way through the rain forest and every day I invite him into my life to be with me.  How dumb is that…why on earth  would I picture myself chopping stuff out of the way when I have Jesus?  I don’t need to invite him to come along, I need to hand him the machete and have him go first!!

*I am reluctant to do all things completely for HIS glory…period!  It was pretty clear that I spend way too much time worrying about being his star instead of his servant.

*If I were less reluctant I think I would focus more on being AMAZED by him and not worry so much about trying to be amazing.

All that stuff in such a short time…I think he’s going to lead me lots of places with this new word.  My prayer is that I’m not reluctant to go where he leads me.

A Seed To Plant:  Pray for a word to guide you in your pursuit of holiness and share it with us if you’d like so we can pray for each other that God would love and guide us through that word.

Blessings on your day!