My Inner Thomas

My Lord and my God. John 20:28

The story of Doubting Thomas has long been one that made me shake my head.  How could he be so…doubtful?  After walking with Jesus for so long and being such a close part of his miracles and healings and teachings; how could  he not get it?  Even if I could understand his doubt on some level I still think “until I put my hands in his side” was a little over the top! 

That used to be my thinking until I realized I was Thomas…often!  It wasn’t a realization I wasn't proud of but it was true none the less.  My “inner Thomas” looks like this…

*Planning, plotting and worrying about so many things as if I’m in charge of everything myself.
*Sometimes feeling swallowed with frustration wondering when this Pandemic will ever end.
*Overthinking kids, grandkids, finances and retirement.
*Fretting about people who are sick, struggling or that I have no influence with.
*Sadness about people who aren’t treated justly, fairly or compassionately.

My “inner Thomas” can leave me thinking it’s never going to get better and the divisions will just grow and the church will shrink and those struggling will continue to suffer.  I stamp my foot and tell Jesus he should do something right now.  It’s almost like, “Do this now Jesus and make sure I can see it!”  I suppose that’s no different than asking to feel his nail holes.  When Thomas realized it was Jesus he said, “My Lord and my God.”  I should say the same thing when I see his work in my life.  My “inner Thomas” needs to look at the things the Lord is doing all around me instead of the things I think he’s “not” doing.  When I see the warm spring days, when I see my perfect Grandson, when I go to a job I love every day, when I realize I’ve been given an amazing family, when I see the excitement of a lovely woman just weeks from her wedding day, when I hear laughter and receive the Eucharist or when I realize we’re all still standing after the craziest year imaginable!  When people get well, when people find hope, when a moment of peace sweeps over me or when a kindergartner brings me a card that says I love you.  Every single one of those things is Jesus in action but like Thomas, I can be doubtful.  My Lord and my God, please help me see you working and be grateful instead of doubtful.

A Seed To Plant:  Make a list of all the places you have seen Christ working in your life this month and thank him for the ways he’s trying to dispel your doubt.​

Blessings on your day!