Not How I Thought It Would Be

My soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope.  Psalm 62:6
​

August feels very different than it used to.  I remember those feelings that bounced back and forth from, “I love my job, I’m so excited for a new school year” to “Oh my gosh…I’m not ready yet”.  I’m entering my second school year of retirement and August is so peaceful but every time I pass school supplies, I wonder what God has planned next.  I’ve discovered time after time that He is so full of fancy surprises and I’m left saying, “that wasn’t how I thought it would be!”

When I retired, I spent months re-branding and re-building Joyful Words thinking I would launch across the country doing ministry in giant places.  I did everything I felt He asked me to do but some weeks the garden is the fanciest place I go and it’s not how I thought it would be, but my life is wonderful. He still calls me to do ministry, and it is such delightful work, but it isn’t the impressive stuff I thought it would be. One day in prayer a question popped into my head that hit me hard.  I felt the Lord ask who I was trying to impress!  I spent several months writing a book and had visions of being a fancy author but it takes a year to get a book through all it’s stages so I’ve done lots of quiet waiting and that wasn’t how I thought it would be but there is so much peace knowing I did something really hard that was all His idea and if the book doesn’t sell a single copy, I’m at peace because I did what He asked me to.

Growing up, I wanted to be a wife, mom and most of all a grandma. God blessed me with all of those things, and it wasn’t how I thought it would be…it’s so much better!  My husband is amazing, my kids have grown into fabulous adults who married amazing people and the four grandbabies that fill my heart are not what I thought they would be…they are infinitely better than I could have ever imagined. 

I think back on my life and all that I planned and remember the disappointments, frustrations and failures and realize they didn’t turn out like I thought they would…there was always more to the story.  I think about the hurts and frustrations with dating and planning and test scores or friendships which were so tough to wade through and I realize they didn’t turn out how I thought they would.  I look back over the last three and a half decades of marriage and family and recall challenges, hardships and frustrations.  We were met with bills, budgets, schedules and expectations that left us frazzled and fussing about things we never thought of, but we didn’t stay stuck there.  As the kids grew up there were games, fair animals, friendships, report cards and dates that were marked with sadness and joy.  A few things along the way felt tragic and countless things weren’t at all the way we thought they’d be, but great lessons came anyway.  There have been so many times it has felt like the rug got yanked out from under us but by the Grace of God, we always got back up and almost every time, things turned out even better than we thought they would.

The truth is, the Father and I don’t always think alike.  I may not be traveling to giant venues in impressive places, and I probably won’t have books with my name on the cover in bookstore windows or on a bestseller banner on Amazon like I thought I might, but I’m good with that because I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be doing exactly what He needs me to do.  My target audience isn’t a classroom or a fancy place like Hawaii or Los Angeles, but His plan for my life right now is playing out in my house rocking babies, writing blogs, cooking and playing with little people and loving my big kids.  When I saw the picture on my camera roll of the grandkids and me, I couldn’t imagine anything greater and I’m pretty happy that this season of my life didn’t turn out like I thought it would.  Trusting in His plan brings great hope and with that hope comes the peace of knowing things shift and change.  As long as I’m standing upright and drawing breath, I know He has work for me to do and I have to be willing to follow where He leads me and serve who he leads me to.  I hope I never quit saying, “this isn’t how I thought it would be!”                                                                                                                                                                                               A Seed To Plant: Make a list of the times God hijacked your plans and things were not how you thought they’d be…and make note of how he blessed you in those times?
Blessings on your day